Those of us who have suffered with auditory voices, from an external source or from within our own malfunctioning brains, have walked a miserable and solitary road. It is difficult to convey the horror of having to constantly listen to foreign thoughts and words that are negative, abusive and derogatory. But for the mind control victim, it is a double nightmare in the sense that there is no relief through any standard therapy or medication. You know you are being harassed, but unable to give any solid evidence to the fact. Some of us, like myself, also undergo forced media and sensory experiences that are unwelcome and painful. It is as if we have been possessed, in every sense of the word, by demonic entities who seek to suck the joy out of every moment of our lives and yet leave us alive to suffer through years of miserable quasi-existence, separated and ostracised from the "normal" world at large. I used to think of myself as having been placed on a tiny island, surrounded by dark water, where my only contact with the outside world was a periodic passerby in a small boat who could only wave to me as they drifted past my shore. Otherwise, my constant company has been and is a series of disembodied voices, some that sound like those I have loved and trusted the most, belittling and insulting me, sexually molesting me or administering a painful jab to my sides or my knees at their discretion.
How does one survive this assault? I suppose and even better question is how does one survive and find joy in living at all? We have no way of pinpointing the culprit, we can merely sift through information that may or may not be reliable, research this or that government program, question this political leader or that one, check patents uselessly because mind control technology that is in place today is widely classified and we are at least 75 years behind knowing what actually has been developed scientifically. It is like chasing our tails...like chipping away at a mountain with a butter knife. We can't even support an answer as to the reason why we are being harassed, what terrible crime we have committed that has made us deserving of such hell.
I have found one channel of peace in this nightmare. I have not been able to quell the dialogue in my head, nor have I been able to stave off the sexual and sensory experiences, but what I have managed to do is find peace in the midst of chaos. I share this because the goal is not only to survive, but to live and to live abundantly, to again find joy in every day and to love and to be loved. These things are the heart of the human life, and without them life is not worth living. What's more, we are meant to enjoy life and to use our own will and our own mind to navigate through it, not simply exist, solitary, on an island of monsters. In an effort to be clear, I am going to list the 3 major stages in my own harassment so that you may compare your experiences and possibly also benefit from what has helped me reclaim my life to a small but much more peaceful degree.
When reading other victim's experiences in an effort to understand what was happening to me, I began to notice a pattern to the harassment protocol. I saw similarities across the board with victims from every walk of life. First and foremost, the element of chaos and a state of confusion is put in place. Street theater, having your home broken into, prank calls, strange noises at night and the escalating feeling that something is happening that is terribly wrong. Sleep disturbances or suddenly having the overwhelming urge to sleep at odd times, personality changes and the onset of sensory experiences, nightmares and increased irritability are hallmarks of the first stage of the harassment. I began to have narcoleptic-like symptoms during this time: cataplexy and the need to either immediately sleep or fall down where I stood. And because this thing usually hits a person out of the blue, in the middle of a very normal life, we usually fail to take note of these things in the beginning. Paranoia begins to eat away at you; you know you are being watched and someone is "messing" with you, but you don't know who or why.
The second stage seems to be the onset of auditory and visual media coupled with increased sensory experiences. Words cannot do justice to how incredibly horrific this second stage can be, and I believe many people don't survive it. I believe suicide takes many of us during this stage, and if you look back to this period in your own harassment history, you may find that during this second stage is when you attempted suicide or were hospitalized and diagnosed with any number of mental illnesses, and most likely schitzophrenia if you were hearing voices. One of my suicide attempts happened with the realization that I did not have to speak out loud to have the perps hear me and that they could read my thoughts and I was able to respond mentally to them. The absolute terror of knowing you are being invaded and manipulated on such an intimate level is enough to drive anyone to suicide. We are made individuals for a reason, and not made to have our minds raped.
So, firstly we are hit out of the blue and with no warning. The element of surprise is a major factor in laying the groundwork for the latter stages. The biggest weapon the perpetrators have in their arsenal isn't mental telepathy or immersive sensory tech, but simply secrecy and an unwitting victim who doesn't even know what is happening to them until after they have fully invaded his mind. Knowledge is power, and if the mind weren't so powerful an entity, it wouldn't be worth the effort or the funding behind mind control. Suddenly the victim's life is in full chaos. During this second stage, you loose your spouse, your job, your friends, your financial independence, your credibility as a human being and are labeled and stigmatized with a brain disorder. What's worse is that you know you are being maligned by an outside and external source and the more you try to explain this, the more you are medicated with powerful brain-altering, anti-psychotic medications (whose long-term use can cause permanent damage in and of themselves) and are sent off to psychotherapy or possibly committed. If I had to describe hell on earth, it would be the month I spent hospitalized after one of my suicide attempts, surrounded by others who were just as miserable with disorders that ran the gamut of mental problems, knowing that I was losing my family and clutching my rosary bare-knuckled to my chest while 12 people in my head insulted, laughed and sexually molested me non-stop. If you are a fellow victim, you know exactly what I'm describing. At one point, the psychiatrist was close to recommending shock treatments, which thankfully my husband at the time denounced. I can't imagine how difficult it is for someone to try and rebuild his thought processes after shock treatments in addition to fighting off mind control harassment.
Almost like a gift from God comes the third stage, where the clouds seem to part just a little and you suddenly begin to feel human again. In other words, the harassment continues, but lessens slightly to a more "manageable" degree. I use the word "manageable" sarcastically, as really what you are doing during this stage is surviving and being sickeningly thankful you can raise your head and remember your name. It seems that this third stage continues throughout the rest of the victimization of the individual, and will periodically increase or lessen as the person tries to move on and rebuild what is left of his or her life. For myself, some days are good, some days are bad. I have had stretches like 6 weeks of relative peace and then spent a month in bed. I can't find a true pattern that is dependable with the harassment at present. It all seems to be at the sole discretion of the people involved and may be hit or miss, depending upon what their true agenda is. What I have found is a pattern in the methodology used to keep us on edge and in a highly emotive state. I have a greater understanding of how to battle the negative damage they inflict on us spiritually and will talk about that in the rest of this essay.