Friday, August 11, 2006

Fighting Mind Control Spiritually Part 3-The Seven Deadlies

If you were captured by the enemy, tried and found guilty, stripped of everything you own and all those you love, given a life’s sentence, thrown into a tiny dark cell where you were beaten daily and fed only bread and water, you would still be able to escape your situation through the use of your mind. You would be able to find solace and peace by using the power of your mind to pray, to imagine yourself elsewhere and to review memories of those moments of your life which were joyful and safe. The person whose mind is invaded and who is daily forced to fight off the enemy from within is in a far darker cell and is beaten and starved more heinously than any person physically imprisoned. We are dealing with an unseen enemy that seeks to steal our attention, our joy and our peace of mind. It cuts to the very heart and soul of a person, and it makes complete sense to me logically that we fight the enemy on the same battlefield.

First, I’d like to talk about the auditory onslaught we face, those depraved voices continuously swearing, insulting, laughing and jeering at us, making rude comments about our daily activities or simply engaging us in meaningless dialogue that can last for hours, thus keeping our thoughts away from the things we need and want to concentrate on. In my case, I hear the voices of friends and family, people who have died and people I have not heard from for years. I also hear celebrity voices, which is amusing at times as I don’t pay much attention to Hollywood, I don’t watch television and rarely watch movies. I find too much media to be disturbing, both for the content as well as the fact that my brain feels like it is overdrive all the time.

The interior dialogue is always negative, usually vulgar and is always geared to cause me to feel a negative emotion. I began to realize that most of the emotion I was feeling with regard to these voices caused me to waste vast amounts of time being upset or thinking about some past situation or person I had no control over and a pattern emerged. I have found that there are 7 different emotive states the voices urge me to feel. These are:

1) Humiliation over a past event or relationship.
2) Anger and frustration over not knowing who the perpetrators are.
3) Encouragement to drink or use drugs in order to ease my mind.
4) Hopelessness, fear and despair- an inability to do anything to help myself.
5) Sexually aroused by the sensory experience of having my genitals vibrated and/or forced visual media in my mind’s eye.
6) Jealousy, as if the people involved were enjoying playing a game with me and winning money, prizes and trips at my expense or jealousy with regard to a relationship.
7) Greed, in the sense that having been robbed of my ability to be financially independent, lack of money and becoming a charity case has made me a lesser person. The idea that becoming a perpetrator myself would be smarter and make me rich.

Upon further examination of these 7 emotive states, I realized how closely they correspond to the 7 basic human instincts or, spiritually speaking, the 7 emotive states of our lesser natures. Yes, I am indeed talking about the 7 deadly sins: Pride, Envy, Greed, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, and Sloth.

Take a moment now to review your own experience and examine how often you are encouraged to feel these emotions by the voices, sensory experiences and general harassment you undergo daily.

The direct opposite of these 7 basic human instincts are: Humility, Patience, Abstinence, Diligence, Chastity, Kindness and Generosity.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Fighting Mind Control Spiritually Part 2- The Protocol of Terror

I'm going to talk a little bit about mind conditioning here, and please let it be known I am not a doctor or an ex-member of a cult, nor am I even a college graduate. In reality the only information I have with regard to mind control, trauma-based conditioning and how the brain works is what I have gleaned from the internet, what I have read in books and my own personal journey as a remotely-harassed victim. I have a theory as to why victims are assaulted and what we are used for, but of course it is only a theory, one of many I have held over the years. When I pose questions such as "What agency on earth would have the technology in their arsenal able to do the things it does?" and "Where does the money come from to fund 24 hour a day monitoring and harassment of average citizens in the hundreds of thousands if not millions?" and "What could our brains possibly be used for that could be so lucrative and so sought-after?", this theory seems to satisfy them.

From what I understand the government has been seriously researching the capabilities of the human brain for the last 100 years or so for use in warfare and defense strategies. Names like Nikolai Tesla, Owen Cameron and Jose Delgado will be familiar to anyone who has been "under the gun" of this technology and has actively tried to research and define it. America's MKULTRA program, which relied heavily on the findings of heinous WWII medical experimentation of prisoners in war camps, was apparently set up to examine the way the psyche of a human being could be used for things like trained alter-personalities and remote viewing. In essence, a subject was brutalized and brainwashed into compliance, his or her brain broken apart and rebuilt by trained operators. I believe what is happening now is basically the same program using remote technologies. I have been put through mind scenarios that are forced and not dream states, been instantly put into a trance-like state and while awake seen images in my mind's eye that are as clear as watching a television screen. I have been half asleep and heard voices telling me to relax, breathe deeply, imagine this or that, or perform this or that action, as if I were being hypnotized. I have extremely vivid dreams that I believe act as "screens' and hide other media or experiences my brain is also engaged in. I have been placed in an almost virtual-reality type situation, interacting with other people, that uses a very advanced sensory immersion technology. I have done some reading on split-brain research, and from what I have read, it is possible for those with the right technology to be able to engage one hemisphere of the brain while the other hemisphere is completely unaware, as if these hemispheres were two totally different identities or individuals.

I believe whatever it is our brains our being used for, either entertainment (the telepathic sharing of images, memories, fully-immersive sensory experiences, sounds, information and other media) military training, medical research, artificial intelligence, etc, that the training of our minds for these pursuits is done while our subconscious is laid bare, while we sleep and during forced trance states. It is a bizarre, Star Wars-like theory, but I cannot possibly conceive of a group of individuals dealing out this horror and the money it would take to harass victims in the hundreds of thousands if not millions globally simply out of pure vendetta for personal issues. It answers the immediate question as to why we are so maliciously harassed verbally and physically, kept in a constant state of fear and uncertainty. A mind that is in a highly emotive state is much more open to suggestion and more willing to comply with the perpetrator's brain programming. If used contractually, for information storage or artificial intelligence and more recently for entertainment purposes, the money that people pay to engage in, for example, a fully-immersive sexual sensory experience with another person, a mind-to-mind link where the alter personality of the victim imagines or performs anything the customer wills, would explain where the funding comes from. It would also explain why victims are average, law abiding folks who have no powerful connections and no wealth to rely upon.

It is a scary theory, but even if I am not 100 percent correct, I do believe that our wills and our minds are compromised. So, what do we do? How do we fight back and reclaim the joy of life, while pushing for de-classification of these technologies and acknowledgement of our plight? In part III of this essay I hope to touch on a few spiritual tactics that have given me hope and made my life livable again.

Fighting Mind Control Spiritually Part 1- The 3 Stages of Harassment

Those of us who have suffered with auditory voices, from an external source or from within our own malfunctioning brains, have walked a miserable and solitary road. It is difficult to convey the horror of having to constantly listen to foreign thoughts and words that are negative, abusive and derogatory. But for the mind control victim, it is a double nightmare in the sense that there is no relief through any standard therapy or medication. You know you are being harassed, but unable to give any solid evidence to the fact. Some of us, like myself, also undergo forced media and sensory experiences that are unwelcome and painful. It is as if we have been possessed, in every sense of the word, by demonic entities who seek to suck the joy out of every moment of our lives and yet leave us alive to suffer through years of miserable quasi-existence, separated and ostracised from the "normal" world at large. I used to think of myself as having been placed on a tiny island, surrounded by dark water, where my only contact with the outside world was a periodic passerby in a small boat who could only wave to me as they drifted past my shore. Otherwise, my constant company has been and is a series of disembodied voices, some that sound like those I have loved and trusted the most, belittling and insulting me, sexually molesting me or administering a painful jab to my sides or my knees at their discretion.

How does one survive this assault? I suppose and even better question is how does one survive and find joy in living at all? We have no way of pinpointing the culprit, we can merely sift through information that may or may not be reliable, research this or that government program, question this political leader or that one, check patents uselessly because mind control technology that is in place today is widely classified and we are at least 75 years behind knowing what actually has been developed scientifically. It is like chasing our chipping away at a mountain with a butter knife. We can't even support an answer as to the reason why we are being harassed, what terrible crime we have committed that has made us deserving of such hell.

I have found one channel of peace in this nightmare. I have not been able to quell the dialogue in my head, nor have I been able to stave off the sexual and sensory experiences, but what I have managed to do is find peace in the midst of chaos. I share this because the goal is not only to survive, but to live and to live abundantly, to again find joy in every day and to love and to be loved. These things are the heart of the human life, and without them life is not worth living. What's more, we are meant to enjoy life and to use our own will and our own mind to navigate through it, not simply exist, solitary, on an island of monsters. In an effort to be clear, I am going to list the 3 major stages in my own harassment so that you may compare your experiences and possibly also benefit from what has helped me reclaim my life to a small but much more peaceful degree.

When reading other victim's experiences in an effort to understand what was happening to me, I began to notice a pattern to the harassment protocol. I saw similarities across the board with victims from every walk of life. First and foremost, the element of chaos and a state of confusion is put in place. Street theater, having your home broken into, prank calls, strange noises at night and the escalating feeling that something is happening that is terribly wrong. Sleep disturbances or suddenly having the overwhelming urge to sleep at odd times, personality changes and the onset of sensory experiences, nightmares and increased irritability are hallmarks of the first stage of the harassment. I began to have narcoleptic-like symptoms during this time: cataplexy and the need to either immediately sleep or fall down where I stood. And because this thing usually hits a person out of the blue, in the middle of a very normal life, we usually fail to take note of these things in the beginning. Paranoia begins to eat away at you; you know you are being watched and someone is "messing" with you, but you don't know who or why.

The second stage seems to be the onset of auditory and visual media coupled with increased sensory experiences. Words cannot do justice to how incredibly horrific this second stage can be, and I believe many people don't survive it. I believe suicide takes many of us during this stage, and if you look back to this period in your own harassment history, you may find that during this second stage is when you attempted suicide or were hospitalized and diagnosed with any number of mental illnesses, and most likely schitzophrenia if you were hearing voices. One of my suicide attempts happened with the realization that I did not have to speak out loud to have the perps hear me and that they could read my thoughts and I was able to respond mentally to them. The absolute terror of knowing you are being invaded and manipulated on such an intimate level is enough to drive anyone to suicide. We are made individuals for a reason, and not made to have our minds raped.

So, firstly we are hit out of the blue and with no warning. The element of surprise is a major factor in laying the groundwork for the latter stages. The biggest weapon the perpetrators have in their arsenal isn't mental telepathy or immersive sensory tech, but simply secrecy and an unwitting victim who doesn't even know what is happening to them until after they have fully invaded his mind. Knowledge is power, and if the mind weren't so powerful an entity, it wouldn't be worth the effort or the funding behind mind control. Suddenly the victim's life is in full chaos. During this second stage, you loose your spouse, your job, your friends, your financial independence, your credibility as a human being and are labeled and stigmatized with a brain disorder. What's worse is that you know you are being maligned by an outside and external source and the more you try to explain this, the more you are medicated with powerful brain-altering, anti-psychotic medications (whose long-term use can cause permanent damage in and of themselves) and are sent off to psychotherapy or possibly committed. If I had to describe hell on earth, it would be the month I spent hospitalized after one of my suicide attempts, surrounded by others who were just as miserable with disorders that ran the gamut of mental problems, knowing that I was losing my family and clutching my rosary bare-knuckled to my chest while 12 people in my head insulted, laughed and sexually molested me non-stop. If you are a fellow victim, you know exactly what I'm describing. At one point, the psychiatrist was close to recommending shock treatments, which thankfully my husband at the time denounced. I can't imagine how difficult it is for someone to try and rebuild his thought processes after shock treatments in addition to fighting off mind control harassment.

Almost like a gift from God comes the third stage, where the clouds seem to part just a little and you suddenly begin to feel human again. In other words, the harassment continues, but lessens slightly to a more "manageable" degree. I use the word "manageable" sarcastically, as really what you are doing during this stage is surviving and being sickeningly thankful you can raise your head and remember your name. It seems that this third stage continues throughout the rest of the victimization of the individual, and will periodically increase or lessen as the person tries to move on and rebuild what is left of his or her life. For myself, some days are good, some days are bad. I have had stretches like 6 weeks of relative peace and then spent a month in bed. I can't find a true pattern that is dependable with the harassment at present. It all seems to be at the sole discretion of the people involved and may be hit or miss, depending upon what their true agenda is. What I have found is a pattern in the methodology used to keep us on edge and in a highly emotive state. I have a greater understanding of how to battle the negative damage they inflict on us spiritually and will talk about that in the rest of this essay.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Why I Believe In Try

I've finally discovered the joy of reading other people's blogs. There are a great many good ones out there, I'm amazed to say, full of all kinds of little information gems and musings and rants and essays with links that make me laugh and shake my head and realize how human and connected to one another we are. It really is a small world and what's more, our experiences all share an intimacy and a familiarity. How needed is that in a world that is so huge and seems so cold and brutal and unforgiving at times? There is, however, one quote I keep coming across that disturbs me and even though I have never seen the movie, I'm told Yoda from Star Wars is it's originator. "Do or do not: There is no try." I've seen this quote so many times and wonder what the heck people are thinking when they quote it. After all, at this very moment I'm in try.
I'm trying to write out my thoughts in this blog. After this, I plan on trying to get another 3 or 4 hours of sleep until my son and daughter awake. Then, I will try, with Christ's help, to move through the day and be a good mother and remember to do all the little things that go along with it. I will try and remember Christ today, and thank Him for the blessings my family has received and continue to receive moment by moment.

I will try to battle the inward voices I hear and have heard for the last 8 years, which are negative and abusive and constantly compete for my attention. I will also try to pray intelligently and with all my heart for those suffering in the world, most obviously those in Israel and Iraq, for our soldiers and for the women and children who are displaced and war-ravaged and without the basic necessities of life. I will try to consistently push away the culture of death we live in, this paradox that confuses me and at the same time strengthens me, giving me something to fight against in the first place. I will try to sing to my children, and clean my kitchen floor and do my laundry. I will try to be a Christian and a Catholic. I will try to keep it all in perspective, as Christ and the Catholic Church have taught me.

In fact, when I think about it, I have never known a single person who isn't in try. We are always moving toward something or someone, or moving away. People who who have given up on try are dead people, who have instead embraced apathy and have ceased seeking after love, who have been so burned or hurt or discouraged that life no longer gives them a reason to try. Where there is no hope, there is no try. The culture of death rings out a bell in our society that echoes through our homes and our streets, that wants us to choose not to try. Abortion is a perfect example of this sinister phenomenon, the very idea that by choosing not to extend oneself and compromise oneself for the sake of another human being, indeed by denying that person his or her very life, we empower ourselves. It is much easier to fill our prisons with criminals instead of funding rehabilitation programs and research that may ultimately help these people and after all who would want to take the time to counsel them or spend their tax dollars on them anyway?

Christ's entire life was about try. Born in abject poverty, with a bounty on His head from birth, His ministry lasting an entire 3 and a half years, the gospel He brought us was an insult to the Jews and almost completely rejected. He died abandoned, humiliated, as a criminal. When you think about Jesus' life in human terms, He was a terrible failure. So, why try to be a Christian? It is much easier to believe the lies the world tells and embrace the shiny and empty pleasures it promises us, to be momentarily comfortable and not think too deeply about the care of our souls, the possibility that we may be more than just the sum of our parts, a thing made for eating and sleeping and reproducing.

It isn't until those shiny things fail us that we raise our heads and begin to really try. To seek His face. We may, in the beginning, try after other things, which one by one will ultimately fall short of what we are looking for, something we can't even describe. God has imbued each one of us with a soul, and eventually, in every life that soul begins to hunger for it's Creator.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Looks like I will soon be moving into my own apartment and I can't wait. Also looks like someone will be donating a car to me within a month (Yay!)

I saw Don yesterday, the man who loaned Doug and I the van we took to Indiana so long ago. Seems his wife has been suffering from scary voodoo for years. He mentioned she falls asleep like I do, even in the middle of a conversation. I haven't had the nerve to talk to her about it one on one but I'd bet she has the exact same symptoms I have: cataplexy, neuro disturbances, sensory experiences and voices. Human slavery has, unfortunately, always been lucrative and I think mind control is especially so.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Good Fight

Been fighting the good fight, as always. It seems mind control technologies are starting to make the news more and more. Cognotechnology, nanotechnology and biotechnology seem to be part and parcel of this monster, but not suprisingly, with regard to bioethics, I don't see a lot of articles that have much meat to them. When someone does touch on the ethics (or lack thereof) of mind control tech, I notice nothing specific is ever really said. I read a lot of rhetoric. I believe we are already chasing the brooms like Mickey in Fantasia and that hundreds of thousands of people globally are being used in so-called AI fields for things like military, defense and medical uses. I believe it has now bled over into private companies using people for entertainment purposes.

It is interesting to note that the MKULTRA program was indeed a precursor to the satellite based remote mind control and trauma-based conditioning programming that is in place now. Just reading victim's testimonies is enough to make your skin crawl. There IS a definite protocol and methodology used, if one compares victim's testimonies. The sickening realization that comes with this understanding is that we all have brains and we all sleep. When one is asleep and the subconscious is laid bare, any fool with this increasingly-affordable technology can zero in on a victim while they are at their most defenseless. Using hypnosis and sensory immersive virtual-reality mind scenarios to trauma base condition the mind to split, they create the alter personalities that we so sought after in the victims of MKULTRA. These personalities are then trained and named, having distinct personalities that can range from axe-murderer to housewife to 3-year old child.

Here is where the technology gets really frightening.

I have personally experienced this sensory-immersive technology. In fact, Sony holds patents on it, for use in their video games. I have lain on my bed fully awake and felt sensations that run the full gamut. Everything from being hung, bitten, scratched, held down, burnt, stabbed, having a liquid poured on me, having cigarettes ground out on my skin, having my knees broken and the list goes on. I have listened to male and female voices barking out the most depraved and evil things. I have had still images and short movies forced into my mind's eye that are horrifying and as clear as watching a television program. I have been raped and molested, anally, orally and vaginally, in this manner for at least the past 8 years. All of these experiences have been completely forced and against my free will and happen daily. I am not alone. has documented testimony of hundreds of other victims who hear the exact same phrases and feel the exact same sensations I hear and feel. Anyone who really wants to learn how far-reaching this nightmare is can Google "mind control" or "thought control victims" and read the experiences from what I estimate to be 1 out of 5 individuals in the world today. I believe soon all of us will be affected.

In 1998 I began to have these experiences, silently. Other things, like hearing loud footsteps on our roof at night, hearing voices masked by the white noise or pink noise of electronic devices, water streams from the faucet and shower and induced emotion such as paranoia or extreme fear. At night, I would wake up in tears, having no memory of any dream, and yet feeling horribly abused and exhausted. My personality began to change. I slowly went from being a normal, intelligent and friendly wife and mother to being irritable and angry all the time. I no longer had any desire to be social at all. I began to be interested in porn all the time and my sex drive increased to huge proportions. I began to have cataplectic attacks of muscle weakness so strong that I would literally drop to the floor. I remember saying to my husband that the person I was becoming was not who I was and that I didnt undestand what was happening, only that I knew it was being forced upon me. I understand now that what was being done to me was trauma based conditioning as I slept. This phenomenon escalated until in January of 2000 I began to "hear" voices.

More to come...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Scary Voodoo

This morning I woke up to a relatively quiet mind and thought possibly it would be an easy day. Instead, I got the overwhelming urge to sleep at 9 am and knew something was going to hit me. I was led through a crazy screen dream where I was being cut with a razor and when I woke up I felt anally raped as usual. It is over and hour since I woke and I still feel anal pain. I finally found Sony's patent on the full immersion sensory technology they have developed for use with their video games. Which proves the tech exists and that so many of us have been used as guinea pigs, either by the government (who I am sure has had this tech in use for decades) or a company like Sony or possibly Sony itself. Who knows? The sickening thing is that along with every negative sensory experience you can imagine, I have to deal daily with the constant verbal abuse which is most depraved in nature. Im tired. I think to myself who in their right mind would assault a single mother with 2 infants, but then I think of Andrea Yates and Tannie Braziel and other victims who have had their minds held hostage and endured torture and terrorism for years. I believe this tech has bled over into the private entertainment industry and that we are being used in mind games, such as role playing games and the like. The media I am sent in my mind's eye (sometimes short movies with credits at the end of them, as if I am watching a feature film at the theater) is usually porn. I've even had pictures of kids being molested flashed in my mind's eye, I've seen friends and seen pictures of friend's family members I've never even met. Sometime's I'm threatened and told I'm going to be "set up" if I talk about this. One voice who threatened me flashed me a picture of my son with a gun in his mouth. My son is only 7 months old.

I think upon closer examination, the sensory input we victims receive is far too specific and deliberate to be passed of as schitzophrenia. I know for a fact a friend of mine has been contacted by some of the people involved. I would write this off as paranoia on my part if he hadn't made it obvious to me that it's the truth. I suppose he has been told some large lies, because this is completely illegal- I mean seriously, the torture and terrorization of American citizens remotely by their own government and/or private companies? In fact, I was shown a woman along with I guess her husband in my mind's eye the other day, as clear as if I were watching television. Here I am sitting with my infant children, about as vulnerable as a person can be, and this woman told me it was a business, her and her husband's business, as if I had a lot of nerve praying for myself and other victims of this holocaust and asking these people to lay down their weapons and put an end to using people's mind's as resources. I mean, how dare I?

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Getting Back To The Garden

I finally did make it to church this morning, after months of good intention and not getting there. I wasn't able to go to confession, as the priest was running late, but I did pick up a copy of The Catholic Worker. I am extremely impressed with this organization and suprised I have never heard of them.

"The aim of the Catholic Worker movement is to live in accordance with the justice and charity of Jesus Christ. Our sources are the Hebrew and Greek scriptures, as handed down in the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, with our inspiration coming from the lives of the saints, "men and women outstanding in holiness, living witnesses to Your unchanging love."

These folks loudly promote a society in which we all live in accordance to the common good, as taught by Christ Himself, while remaining obedient to the Church and dedicated to charity for all. This is in regard to social justice, politics, economics, labor and morals. Are they radicals? I think in the sense that Christianity is radical: a radical conversion from worldly values and ideals in favor of those of Jesus Christ.

"When all the prisoners of the land are crushed under foot,
when human rights are perverted in the presence of the Most High,
when one's case is subverted- Does our God not see it?
My eyes flow with rivers of tears because of the destruction of my people.
My eyes will flow without ceasing, without respite, until God from heaven looks down and sees." Lamentations 3:34-36, 48-50